When my brother was first assessed with autism, around the age of 2, we were presented a graph that would predict his behaviors as he grew older. We thought of it like those measuring tapes that children stand against to measure their height; how far would he go? What are the goals he could reach? As life went on, we’ve realized we’ve been on the curve along with Shahir, going up and down along with him on his rollercoaster of a journey. Shahir is a smart, funny, curious and intelligent young boy with boundless hopes and dreams and it has been a privilege to watch him grow up. 

 

There are several changes that occur in the family setting in order to benefit and accommodate the child. Every family has their own story as every step is taken differently depending on the individual; with Shahir it started off small with changing the position in which we sat at the dinner table. Usually, my Mom and Dad sat next to each other, facing my brother and I on the other side. But Shahir found it a bit difficult sitting still and using his utensils without shaking his hands, so to ensure his comfortability, Shahir began sitting in the middle of my mom and I so that we could help him finish his food if need be. A couple of years later, at 6 years old, Shahir could control his fine motor skills much better and wielded his fork and spoon with enthusiasm, pretending they were lightsabers (recently taking interest in Star Wars with my Dad and I).  But to this day, we still sit in the same positions as we did before because Shahir has a particular preference now and frankly, we like where we sit! 

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Until 8 and a half, Shahir was still speaking with a few words in his vocabulary, including, “water, Mummy, Daddy, Shaowda, Car, Sun” and so forth. He could spell words as difficult as triceratops but required the aid of us and his speech pathologist in order to make out a full sentence. So, my family took up speaking in more direct and short sentences with one another, as well as anyone we interacted with in front of Shahir, so he could easily understand us and pick up the small phrases and repeat them. We only spoke in English in the house and my parents mother tongue, Bengali, was long forgotten. Even my text messages to friends grew shorter, they all received curt replies like “Thanks” and “Okay Goodbye,” but I couldn’t help it!  I was constantly practicing small and easy sentences like “I want juice” and “It is snowing outside” with my brother; it became a habit to talk in that way all the time. After some time, my brother picked up on words and started to make full sentences and before we knew it, at his own pace, he was talking! He also attended French class at school, excelled in speaking and writing it and also learned more than 10 phrases in Spanish from Dora! Learning languages became one of Shahir’s favorite pastimes and we celebrated every level up on Duolingo with chocolate and other treats! Along with Shahir learning to talk, we began speaking in Bengali again and attempted to teach him the language too. Although, he has now reverted to speaking only English, we can speak in both languages at our home as Shahir continues on his path to speak in his own individual manner. 

 

Shahir growing up meant we grew up with him as well; just like any other family, we prioritized his needs and made the necessary changes to help him flourish. As Shahir grows one day at a time, we grow with him so that he is able to achieve his maximum potential.  The curve did not just represent Shahir, but it represented all the experiences we would go through with him because there will never be a time when he’s alone, we’re always there, along for the ride.